Lily lives in China, grew up in Shandong, spent many years in Beijing and one day decided to change the familiar course of her life. This story is based on her personal account for FROGI.
In China, it is quite easy to reach a point where, from the outside, it looks like you already have everything figured out.
You have a stable job, a predictable life, you have reached the age when people around you start expecting certain next steps, and there is a fairly clear idea of what is supposed to happen next.
That was more or less my situation.
I grew up in Shandong, then went to university, started working and spent around ten years living in Beijing altogether.
I had a job that I genuinely used to enjoy, but over time I began to feel differently about it.
And at 29, I decided to quit.
Not to move to another company or take a short break. I went to study in Malaysia.
At 29, people already expect something very different from you
For me, this decision was not simply about changing countries.
I grew up in a fairly traditional Chinese culture, where there is a certain life path people are expected to follow. And you feel it especially strongly when you reach an age at which society already considers you fully grown.
If you have a stable job and have reached the age when you are supposed to start thinking about marriage, the idea of leaving everything behind and going abroad to study may not look like the most sensible decision.
But I wanted to try.
I felt that this was the right path for my life at that moment, so I stood by my choice ✈️ and moved to Kuala Lumpur alone.
Of course, moving alone to another country was scary.
A new place, a different environment, no familiar circle of people, and having to figure out simple things all over again — things that happen automatically when you are at home.
But now I see it completely differently.
I think that once you go through periods like this and then look back, many of the things that once frightened you start to seem surprisingly simple.
❤️ That is where I met my boyfriend
Probably the most unexpected part of this story happened in Malaysia.
I met my current boyfriend while studying there.
We were classmates, and then completely by chance discovered that we had rented apartments in the same building.
We literally lived one floor apart.
I did not move to another country to meet someone, and I certainly could not have known in advance that this decision would lead me to a relationship that would become such an important part of my life.
That is why it is difficult for me to regret choosing a path at 29 that might have looked wrong to someone else.
If I had stayed in my familiar life simply because it felt safer or made more sense to other people, my story would have turned out differently.
I believe that every road a person takes in life is the road they are meant to go through. If you trust your own choice, you will not regret it later.
Coming home was also a choice
After finishing my studies, I returned to China 🇨🇳
To be closer to my boyfriend, I worked in Shenzhen for a while, but the city was not right for me.
At some point, we talked everything through, and I decided to return to Beijing.
I really love Beijing.
I lived there for many years, I feel comfortable in the city, and I especially love it for its enormous historical heritage.
Even after living in other cities, Beijing was still the place I wanted to return to. And after travelling, I am planning to look for a new job there.
For me, work has never been only about money.
I think it gives a person a sense of their own value and inner fulfilment.
Maybe that is why I have always worked and cannot imagine my life as permanently giving up my own interests for a relationship.
But there may be another period ahead when I will have to change my familiar life again.
Hong Kong may be next
My boyfriend has lived in Hong Kong for many years, so at the moment we are in a long-distance relationship.
If we get married, I will most likely have to move there.
I understand that the beginning may not be easy.
I do not speak Cantonese well, and my English is not yet strong enough to use professionally, so finding the right job quickly in Hong Kong would be difficult for me.
Perhaps, in order to first build our life together, I would be willing to step away from work for around two years.
But for me, that does not mean giving it up forever.
I want to gradually look for new opportunities, try myself in a new place 🧭 and build my own life again.
A few years ago, this kind of scenario would probably have frightened me much more.
Now I already know what it feels like to arrive somewhere unfamiliar and suddenly find yourself face to face with a completely new reality.
I have already done that once in Kuala Lumpur.
Not every kind of stability means you should stay
I do not think everyone needs to quit their job, move away or deliberately go against their family’s expectations.
That is not what this story is about.
It is more about those moments when you have a perfectly normal life that simply stops feeling like your own.
From the outside, it can be difficult to explain why you would exchange a stable job for uncertainty, why you would go abroad to study when you are almost thirty, or why you do not want to follow the path that seems the most logical.
But I think a person can still feel the difference between a decision they made themselves and a life they are living only because that is what is expected.
Going to Malaysia did not solve my entire future for me. It simply showed me that uncertainty does not necessarily end badly.
Sometimes that is exactly where something begins that you could never have planned ✨
Difficulties only seem enormous when you are still standing in front of them.
